20 FOOTNOTES TO A BRIEF HISTORY OF EXASPERATING EACH BEGINNING

⁽⁰⁾ I will Continue to Exaggerate my Beginnings

⁽¹⁾ Your Body: Uncontrollable (-ily) Disappearing into Hunger, and the Top Head of which, popped and Verbaled off

⁽²⁾ “I was Born Crippled and Nervously (this) Conditioned…”

⁽³⁾ And it is True: I Felt Attracted to a Repulsion, and one which Evoked a Subject, a Typical little “Cow Scene”

⁽⁴⁾ To Speak of Hunger, but to Fall first of Thirst

⁽⁵⁾ Your Breasts Unleashed, as if, Grasping for Light, as one who Emerges from a Pile of Autumn Leaves

⁽⁶⁾ This is Akin to Coming Right to the Edge, However, Something must Begin, once we Decide to take that Plunge

⁽⁷⁾ The Lines here in the Face lie in the Fact: a Monstrous Debt is Paid to “Go On” through this Life, which Oddly always Assures us that it Seeks, in Private, to Cancel itself out: which Oddly Amounts to “Entering Thinto” a new Space, a new Beginning, and as if by Accident: the Surprise, the Ground, the Bones Shifting in the Face in order to Deform a New Appearance, as the mouf Turns, to Speak, in a Startled Response

⁽⁸⁾ As if you even Opposed “Coming To” this very Point

⁽⁹⁾ As one Says:-----------------------à“It only Came by Accident…”

⁽¹⁰⁾ In the Midst of his Process “He took one on the Chin”

⁽¹¹⁾ The Fact of what Comes at You, in a Rush, to take on the Form of a Body blow, is Always, less than Predictable, Whose Effect is “but of Force”, and Pronounced “to Live” in this Conditional Exaggeration of being so Exhausted, each Season, in which, the Wind just will not, let the fuck up, because it doesn’t, because it never has, because it has no need to Answer

⁽¹²⁾ But let’s Begin Again: How does one, Exactly, Stomach, not the Idea per se, but the Actual Force of an Absence~?

⁽¹³⁾ It was Answered in the First Scene, that it was not Cancer

⁽¹⁴⁾ “And Sadly So…” He Said

⁽¹⁵⁾ Up to this Moment: this was Written in Doubt

⁽¹⁶⁾ I am Trying to Tell You: I Love You, no Matter (is) the Color

⁽¹⁷⁾ And those Beautiful Eyes, Stuck in a Stuttering-Lullaby-Smother

⁽¹⁸⁾ Or: Heading Home in our Car, Before that Prose we Will Endure, Against the Backdrop: a Thunderstorm, Brewing along that Thin April Sky

⁽¹⁹⁾ And Yet He Began Again: “It is no Secret: I fucking Deny that the Sense of Stability is even Remotely, Reasonable”

⁽²⁰⁾ in other words:---------------------------------àI will Continue to Exasperate this Ending