Monday, August 1, 2011

Him On Him (a catalogue, blanked out in white)

1. I planned on living on a boat.

2. I ate bone Triscuits instead of proper bread and butter.

3. I studied to become something I became and nobody knows the difference really. I am still me as known by others and myself included.

4. My body exists for itself alone; there is no other body that is so mine.

5. If I hadn't read Deleuze I would still be the body I am. But now I just think of myself different - and the difference lies in thinking vs. being. This is what philosophy does: it measures difference by forcing you to see things differently.

6. I spend a lot of time thinking about different maneuvers of regret. I regret the time I spend wasting on such a thing.

7. Georges Bataille still stifles the sniffles in me.

8. Like all artistic children, I always fancied myself a prodigy.

9. The scene changes all the time while still staying and staving the same.

10. Poverty made me ingenious, though I always still had my parents.

11. Making movies with a grandparents camcorder made me aware, desperately, that people don't always do the things you want them to.

12. He wanted to side with everything he termed "likeable" or "flush with yes". I spent time considering, and then stupidly mocking such an opinion. We all want to be flush with yes.

13. My narcissism is as apparent as a bird on the sill. It stays there, bobs its head, and flies away.

14. Super-Trooper, lights are gonna find me and I'll hide and seek out the further place where I can keep to myself.

15. Two dicks in a room is enough to come to a certain situation for some.

16. What is it to contend with literature? what makes it a worthy pursuit, the kind that even means that the fight was worth fighting in the first place?

17. I did not drag my father farther than this tree.

18. Not reading Hegel was a mistake.

19. There are better places than others to get a blow job. There are places that refract the end of a suck, that refuse the ending upon the time it takes. The longer, the better, unless it takes so long you never come and start thinking about Spinoza instead.

20. I believe in licenses to have children. There is nothing about being a horrible parent that is vital to society. The exact opposite, in fact, is often true.

21. Drunk and loving it.

22. The next day: what was I thinking? The corpus of continuity of pain like a whiplash across the sternum. A funk house of cards that only finds in its own falling a reason for more quiet nights in.

23. The copy is the more interesting copy for being copied.

24. The snare of infatuation is, as such, an honored yet horrible truth of being.

25. On being with The Other: trials like they were something worth experiencing and yet always end in regret.

26. I had always worked, and then the failing of the body left me with a different thought: what does one do with onesense once you cease to become yourself?

27. In speaking with friends, one is always inclined to make themselves feel superior, not just to the friend, but to the self.

28. On the subway, I have ideas. It's the shame of it all that my commute is so short, that I have to take out-side trips to nowhere in order best to think. It is summer, and the subway is air-conditioned, and so it goes with a clear head and sweatless arms.

29. I need to find a new goal outside of all the old ones, reached and dismissed. There is no point without a goal to reach. Goals are the one thing that keeps us going.

30. By a matter of order, I no longer remember.

31. Temptation for reason: there are one too many instances where we are tempted and give in.

32. This striving for another thing is miserable, and oh so endless.